"He once corrected a child for calling the moon shiny. He once stopped a wedding to explain that wedding rings are just emotionally symbolic carbon loops. He believes laughter is just involuntary diaphragmatic spasms. He wished someone happy birthday then clarified it was technically just the earth returning to its original position. He doesn't say I love you he says 'my hypothalamus is firing oxytocin at above average levels.' He doesn't believe in miracles unless you count people still inviting him to parties. He's been blocked by Santa Claus. He once explained gravity to a falling child. He once told his date that love is a brief neurochemical delusion. He once ruined New Year's Eve by explaining it was arbitrarily assigned by ancient bureaucrats. (...) He thinks international borders are imaginary but still gets mad when someone sits in his airplane seat. He has no baby photos only timestamps of developmental milestones. He corrects people's dreams. He is the most condescending man in the world."
